Note To Self

Note To Self, K mug

Yes, that’s a parking ticket on your windshield. Yes, you illegally parked three car lengths behind a meter maid in downtown San Francisco. Yes, you have a problem.

If someone asks you what size beer you’d like to order, making hand motions to show them the size you want is weird. Wait. Yep, it’s still weird.

You’ll have a dream that you clean out your mother’s closet since it needs to be organized. Why? Because you have the most boring dreams ever.

You will manage to lock yourself out of your apartment and your car on the day you need to drive an hour for a meeting. You will borrow an unemployed friend’s car because he’s got his shit together more than you. Way to boost his self-esteem.

You’ll read a stupid article about how you have to make over $140,000/year to have any hope of purchasing a home in San Francisco. You decide to never purchase a home in San Francisco.

You’ll accidentally download adware software onto you computer and call the company that helped make that happen. Said company will eventually hang up on you when you tell the manager JP, “I don’t care if that’s not your procedure. I want the procedure for the non-compliant customer who needs you to uninstall this software without paying a ridiculous fee!” You’ll figure out another solution and almost call JP back to let him know. Then you realize you should just go feed yourself.

You’ll travel on a Tuesday. Your flight will get cancelled, you’ll book another ticket, your hotel will be under construction, the sink will break and overflow, and Daylight Savings Time will still be wreaking havoc. Don’t worry, it gets better.

You’ll realize it’s perfectly acceptable to request that your guy friends pick up the tab until the wage gap is fixed. It’s been this way for three decades. For every 54 cents you make as a hispanic woman, they make $1.00. Plus, you’ve gotta budget money for those parking tickets.

Why You Need Help & So Do I

The path to your life’s work is both difficult and mysterious, which is why few finish the journey. – Jeff Goins

Why We all Need Help

Sometimes life is hard, and shit is real, and we are broken. Sometimes we need to ask for help, and wring our hands, and point ourselves in a new direction. And when this happens, when we need so desperately to get from point A to point B, we often don’t know where that is.

Life’s a real party like that.

It’s hard to figure out what you want to do, and when to do it, and how, while keeping your self-esteem in tact when no one is hiring you (or buying your products or recruiting your services). It is hard. It is even harder when we try to do it all on our own, without help, and without a support system.

It’s actually a pretty bad idea.

I’ve tried it.

Which is why I’d recommend a life coach. Why? As Stephanie from The Loudmouth Lifestyle puts it, “A life coach assists in guiding you from point A (where you are now) to point B (where you want to be).” Coaches help with the in-between. They are a solution to stuckness.

See? Gold.

Now me, I am not a life coach. It is not my calling. I mostly ooze sarcasm and side eye. So, I am always impressed (and slightly mesmerized) by people who make coaching their livelihood. They’re like unicorns or super heros or extroverts: things at which I marvel.

Because I am so enamored with (and believe in) this whole coaching process, I sat down with Stephanie to learn more about her coaching programs and what possessed her to offer folks a lifeline.

Stephanie - Loud Mouth Lifestyle

Q: What do you get from having a life coach? 
Having a coach is not the magical potion for success. It requires you to study your life, decide what you want from it, and complete the steps to get there. A coach is less like a therapist, and more like a personal teacher and cheerleader. I am not a fairy godmother, sprinkling pixie dust to make things happen in your life; instead, I motivate others to make things happen. I have experience with both life coaching and therapy, and I have gone through my own personal struggles, so I know what it’s like to be on the other end. I’m willing to share plenty of tips and advice that I’ve learned the hard way, but I am not meant to heal you. I’m here to remind you that you have the power to do big things.

Q: What do YOU bring to this whole coaching biz?
Steph: I’m an advocate of intentionally cultivating an extraordinary life. I’ve been through [coaching] myself and have survived a lot of shit. I have the ability to truly relate to my clients. In addition, I’m constantly researching and studying; I’m open to learning new things. I also love planning. [She seriously does.]

Q: How do you balance being honest with being smart about boundaries?
Steph: My sessions are about the client,  it’s their time and I keep things focused on them. I may use personal experiences as examples to better illustrate my point, but the sessions really are about you, not me.

Q: You have an April session opening up. When does Loud Ladies: Spring Break Edition start? 
Steph: You have until April 7 to sign up (or until the program sells out). The course runs from April 13 through April 19.

Q: Can I get a discount code for my readers for your coaching services (since they’re awesome)?
Steph: Yep. They can enter KRISTIE15 at checkout for 15% off. [You’re welcome.]

Final Thoughts

Look, if you’re on the fence about coaching or you’re feeling incredibly stuck, Stephanie may be your unicorn gal. She understands people and relationships, and she’s all about getting your ass in gear.

I am no stranger to the I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing-with-my-life conversations and looking for not-my-current-job. In fact, it’s been a reoccurring theme for the past two years. I’ve leaned hard on friends for support and sanity, and these friend sessions often looked like minor mental breakdowns coupled with pub crawls and gif-filled emails. It occurred to me that a life coach may have helped. It can be that voice saying, have a little grace and get a plan, and yes, a new job would be a very good idea. It’s the person who can remind you to think bigger and to take walks outside, and also maybe work on that default face.

What do you think? You up for giving coaching a try?

Stephanie Planner

P.S. Consider joining my email list to get me in your inbox once a week. It’ll be like we’re pen pals.

P.P.S. If you’re not sure about coaching, then keep your eyes peeled for Jeff Goins’ new book Art of Work. It may be more your speed until you’re ready to pull the trigger.



Quotes and images provided by The Loudmouth Lifestyle, top photo from

Open Heart, Big Effing Fence

Open Heart Sunshine“Protect your heart so that you can keep it wide open.” Danielle LaPorte

Open Heart, Big Fucking Fence.

I have said those words over, and over, and over again since I read them.

Open Heart, Big Fucking Fence.

I have written them down on pages. I see them in the air when I say that I am fine but I mean the exact opposite. Open heart. Open heart. Open heart.

I do not mean to say, “I am fine.” What I mean is: “Do you see me? Do I matter? I am hurting.”

Open Heart.

But the heart, ugh the heart, it knows when it’s hurting. We can be so clever in our pain with our distractions and to-do list and busy-life-excuses. We numb and hide and pretend to be cool or edgy or distant. Isn’t it better this way—to not feel, or cry, or hurt? We look to protect ourselves by denying that anything could be wrong. We build the fence, and we put it in the wrong place. At least I do. I put the fence inside the heart instead of around it.

Part of being open and loving and in it is letting people into our lives. We make special keys for those who should be allowed in.

To borrow words from a friend, “I have a fence around my heart and it’s in the shapes and sizes of the people who love me and stood by me in this life and never asked me to be more or less than I already was, and have picked me up in the places where I couldn’t walk any longer and waited until I could.” That’s the fence. That is the big, fucking, glorious fence we put around our precious hearts. That’s the fence that gets keys and guards and visitors at the entrance.

We allow others in who are honest, and kind, and gracious, who see us. We learn, in time, who to trust with the keys. We can hold space, and serve, and laugh, and give, and love big when that fence is high and solid and true. It is what allows for wholehearted living in a mysteriously beautiful way.

I met a girl whose heart reminded me that being open, and vulnerable, and broken can be life-changing, affirming, and earth-shattering good. But that fence is what gives permission to the heart to beat wildly and honestly, bleeding and caring in all the right places. So that fence, that fence is so, so important. That fence is essential to the heart.

But it is not one or the other. Never.

It is both.

It is always: Open Heart, Big Fucking Fence.



photo credit: